So I am going to be numbering my posts because they are not going to be about any specific things. It will just be totally random. I will just write what I am thinking of at the moment. hhmm…like a collection of the worlds worst essays. Yup…I think this is what this is “world’s worst essays”

So I moved to a new city recently. And oh goodness I am having a terrible time. Maybe that is why I am writing this, to try to avoid this all encompassing feeling of intense loneliness. I moved here for a job, a job that I am completely lost at. (Shit, I am having this need to cry, its been happening since I moved here…its like a permanent state of PMSing….anyways I dont cry..this time) So yeah.. about my job, well its hhmm how do I put this, well its not what I expected. And not only is my job not what I expected, the girls at my job dont make it very easy. For some reason they have decided that they dont like me… well I dont know, no one is unkind or anything but sometimes you can just feel it. I think my assistant does not like me… and everyone likes her so that makes everyone dislike me by association. Dont worry, she is a nice girl. I dont think she says anything bad about me or even is trying to make anyone dislike me…but it seems to just have happened. Well for instance the girls will all go to lunch together and not invite me… well to their credit they dont invite a very nice other girl too. Or they are always forwarding eachother jokes and I never get it. Or they always have wispered conversations and laughs and I am never included in any.Its like highschool, the popular girls form a clique and exclude anyone they think unworthy…it just feels very uncomfortable when you are supposed to be the Manager and your assistant is more popular. Dont get me wrong, I am not jealous though it sounds like it. Trust me I wrote this blog to be completely honest… and I am being completely honest. I like her, I think she is smart, and has a lot of potential, I just wish we could work together instead of her feeling like she has to compete with me. But the environment at work makes it almost impossible not to. Nothing is structured, no formal training, no direction nothing. So in light of these circumstances I think we may both be in a situation where we are just trying to find some work to do and make ourselves useful and noticed in the company. I think if the situation was better we would be able to work very very well. She is actually a pretty cool person. Anyways.. basically the environment at works sucks, friday I actually ended up crying. EEkkkhhh… how pathetic I know. By the way I usually act very strong, very nonchalant like nothing bothers me, it couldnt be further from the truth. (oh by the way just in case you think I am some nerdy, geeky, looserish looking girl, I am not (and I am saying this without any dillusion. I have been told that I am quite beautiful and I sometimes believe it. maybe I will post a picture someday)

I think I am going to talk to my boss tomorrow. I think I need to tell him that I need more work to do, its driving me crazy to not have some kind of structured things to do. Hopefully he will have some grand ideas, and not get pissed at me. Oh crap! am I thinking of the right thing to do??? hhhmmm oh yes I am. Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine, everything will be grand and things will works out perfectly (Can you tell I have read and watched “The Secret”?). Yup life is fantastic…lol.

Anyways, so now I am in this new city, with a job I am not so crazy about, no friends, (well a couple of friends but no one that I have really really clicked with and can call up and talk and do boring stuff together with) no food in my fridge (I have been eating ramon noodles, that is some good bad food) and very lonley. Oh but I do have a very nice big apartment. I dont know why I got this place. When I moved I had these grand ideas of how I will decorate this place and how I will have people over and how I will have parties here. HHmmm one thing I forgot to think of…who will be my guest? Now I just have a nice big place that I pay a lot for with no one visiting. Aaagghhh crap now it is a sob story. Oh well its my freaking blog and if I wish to have a sob story I very well WILL. oohhh…maybe I have this blog because i whish to have some control over my life.